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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29316981">And I loved him</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormie92/pseuds/stormie92'>stormie92</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Stranding (Video Games), Death Stranding (Video Games) RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual, Death, Death Stranding - Freeform, Depression, Die-Hardman - Freeform, Die-Hardman LGBT, Drinking, F/M, Future, Grief and depression, Guiding, Guilt, Hate, Hope, LGBT, LGBTQ, Loss of love, Love, M/M, Pansexual, bloody hell i suck at tags, guarding, he loved them both</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:29:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>992</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29316981</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormie92/pseuds/stormie92</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>John drinks while he thinks back about Cliff and Bridget.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Die-Hardman &amp; Bridget Strand, Die-Hardman &amp; Clifford Unger, Die-Hardman/Clifford Unger, Diehardman - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>And I loved him</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I want to do more with the whole "And I loved him as much as I loved her" quote. I have another story in mind but this is the first one that came to mind as I began to write.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The words echoed within his mind. Die-Hardman wiped the tears away that he had just shed in front of Sam. All of it was true . . . He believed he could not be save. That atonement would never be something gifted to him. He walked into his private room, poured himself a drink and sat down at the table in his room. Memories of Cliff and Bridget played on in his head like his own little movie. He downed his scotch and poured himself another of the liquid he wished would numb him. At least for awhile.  His cuffs had recorded him talking to Sam and so he pressed play. </p><p>"He wouldn't let me die" Die-Hardman told Sam.<br/>"He brought my sorry ass back home every time . . ." Die-Hardman's voice began to change, anger at himself and Bridget mixed with sadness.  Tears began to gather in his eyes and soon they would flow free.<br/>"And I loved him . . . as much as I loved her."</p><p>He turned the recording off. Clifford Unger had in fact saved Die-Hardman . . . and at the beach with Bridget, Cliff had the chance to kill him. Yet, he did not. Cliff studied Die-Hardman and then spoke carefully one word.<br/>"John . . ."<br/>Cliff had remembered who Die-Hardman was. He remembered him as John. How the two of them served together in the army. How John had put everything on the line for Cliff so that Cliff could take his BB and let them both be free. Father and Son. Upon remembering he lowered his gun. </p><p>John gave a sad smile. </p><p>Nothing romantic had ever happened between the two men. When they came home from the war both had gone their separate ways. Cliff had moved on, found a wife and had a child. John began working private security and soon found himself working for the President, Bridget Strand. His loyalty would be with her. However, when Cliff and him ran into each other again, John knew he was in trouble. Feelings that he thought were long gone resurfaced. When the two hugged, John felt his heart skip a beat. He was happy at seeing his Captain again . . . the man that had saved him time and time again, yet, sadness began to set in. All he ever wanted for Cliff was happiness and here the two men stood in a hospital room where Cliff's wife rested in a coma, braindead, and his son being used as an experiment. None of this was what John wanted for Cliff. He told Cliff about what would happen to BB if left at Bridges and then he said he would help him as much as he could to escape, but he had to hurry. <br/>"Why are you helping me?" Cliff would ask. <br/>"You and BB deserve a shot at happiness" John would reply solemnly. His heart ached to say "And because I love you" but he chose to keep it to himself. This was neither the time nor place. <br/>   The escape went wrong and shots were heard all over in the building. John ran to where the guards were and told them to back down.<br/>"You got him! Lower your weapons."<br/>He raised his hands and slowly went around the corner. Cliff had his gun raised but dropped it once he saw that it was John.<br/>"Captain, I am so sorry . . . This . . . Wasn't meant to happen."<br/>The guards got closer. John turned to face them and that is when Cliff stood up. He felt the cold metal on his neck and heard Cliff telling everyone to move, which John repeated. Cliff went down another hallway, pushing John away and he ran. John told the guards to stay put. That it was a dead end and security would handle it from here.     <br/>     Blood pooled on the floor. John felt as though his heart would give out. Cliff rested on the floor with BB close. Cliff told BB how he was afraid at first of being a father but now he realized that BB had made him brave. He lifted himself up, along with BB, and rested against the bed. The President now stood behind John whose finger was on the trigger. John hesitated. He did not want to do this.</p><p>"Be yourself . . . be free" were his last words that he would ever say to his son. </p><p>John felt someone forcing him to squeeze the trigger. President Strand let go of John's hand.  It was her that pulled the trigger . . . she had forced him into doing so. From that day on he swore to never forgive himself. He killed Clifford Unger. . . his Captain, friend and someone he loved. Everyone at the same time had noticed the BB was out of his tank and that he too had been shot in the same place as his father. BB was dead . . . President Strand screamed in painful agony. A broken heart but not at the loss of a child but the loss of her experiments. Her future she planned. All believed it was over but then the baby began to cry. BB was gifted life again and again. Cursed or gifted as being a repatriate, every time he would die, he would come back again. </p><p>BB would become Sam, a son to Bridget. John kept working for the President so that he would always have an eye on Cliff's child. To watch him live, grow, love . . . and one day reunite the states. </p><p>"Sam would have made Cliff proud" he said to himself as he took a sip from his drink. Although the first few meetings Sam had with Cliff were not too be desired and the last meeting was that of Cliff's death, John felt just a little glad the two met. Cliff could now rest in peace knowing his son was alright. </p><p>Maybe, just maybe, John could find a way to tell Cliff how sorry he was and his true feelings as well.  </p><p>"After all, it's better to be late than sorry, right?"</p>
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